Got a bad heart, well a good heart
But it's bad at functioning
I never had a fast start
I'm making excuses
So don't be stunned to see
When I'm out cold
With my hands in my pocket
Same hands I sold
One was covering your blockage
The other lying limp
Only one hand out to the sky
Same body, same limb
One man dying under the light
Some say I'd wake up
If I wanted to
And you'd be better off without me
Cuz of the way I haunted you
I put a heavy price tag on this bounty
It wasn't about money
About taking the Devil down
Couldn't see sun for weeks
I had one hand up to the cloud
And it poured like April to June
I came from water
But I ain't bring the monsoon

It's the monsoon, monsoon, monsoon
It's the monsoon, monsoon, monsoon
It's the monsoon, monsoon, monsoon
It's the monsoon, monsoon, monsoon
Monsoon, monsoon
Monsoon, monsoon
Monsoon, monsoon

I might've turned my ways to fire
But that hasn't mattered since ash
Now it's too late ask, it's too late to act
Like you could've changed the past
You didn't wait
Barely could say
Words to me
I couldn't breath
I couldn't stay
Let alone stand the pain
It was the worst of weeks
Worst of years, maybe the best
Cuz I learned a lot, but I'm still upset
No more tears, I can't find em
No more knots cuz I untied em
I wasn't here, out in the west
Smoking some pot and drinking with friends
It wasn't clear, but something had left
Something had stopped, something was dead
Came home to a curb
Guess I was caught in the current
No more smoke at the church
I wrote this verse and I wrote the next one
Followed the hearse like I was the next one
Maybe not first, but probably the second
Shit was a blur, shit was a mess then
Guess it still is, still in my head
And I got a hell of a list to mention
Nobody's home, it was a house now
I drove alone until I went downtown
Pick up the phone, said "I need an ounce now"
I'm going southbound, I took a roundhouse
So I bounce back
I'm stuck with my past self
So I bounce back
I'm only in love at half health
I bounce back

I'm barely here for myself these days
I carry fear through hell these days
Full stomach, got bread on my plate
Break it up and keep some in the safe
Give some out to Dave
Some out to Lucas
Some to the Bay
And some to my music
Sun in my face
Son of the blueprint
Son of a bitch
I can be ruthless
Some days I look in a mirror
Blank stare, can't tell who who is
Intrusive thoughts start to influence
Malice a language that I speak in fluent
I was seized out onto the carpet
Panic attack, it was the darkest
Sorry my girl has this shit the hardest
Dealing with me's like dealing with a martian
Saw my life flash right before me
Blackness that just absorbed me
Fetal position, curled up on the floor he
Had cold sweats, fired up, need morphine
I need more from me
I feel sore, I'm weak
I need war to breathe
I feel for my niece
I had hope for peace
Both hands out I plead
I live north of east
Where poor minds are pieced
I can't fight my beast
I can't find my sleep
And you can finally
Bounce back
Dump the bucket on this sad hell
If I bounce back
Finally love my past self

If I leave my head
This is my send-off
Hope that the afterlife isn't the end-all
Be-all dead, I ripped the vent off
My cards said that this would depend on me
All this weight
All this pain
I could just cave
But it would depend on me
I tried to be vocal
Tried to be hopeful
Did it for Owen
It would depend on me
It would depend on me

But fuck what if I liked it
And what if I'm obsessed with becoming lifeless
Tearing a hole right through my life vest
World ain't gold if you ain't like Midas
I crave the pain and anything paired with it
Told my bro "I don't want a fucking therapist"
I won't take help, maybe I'm scared of it
I know myself enough to take care of him
In hindsight, I miss those episodes
I love my mind and I love the death we wrote
Too content, now I need some tragedies
Hit the plug's line, "How much you get for those?"
And I can't bounce back from that, no, no
I can't neglect my past, no, no, no, no

I don't know what to say
I don't know what to do now
I'm in love with the pain
I just hope it ain't true love
Every day's the same
Cooped up in my room now
I don't know what to say
What to say to you love